{ C o l i b r i – – ☂

"A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession." Albert Camus


Last night, as I lay in bed trying to breath though my lungs were blocked by yucky sickness mucus, I had an epiphany.

The twins I had wanted to be a part of my shortfilm for university applications are unavailable, and I was forced to conjure up a plan B. Luckily, my Italian friend Anastasia is talented in acting, and I have asked her to replace them. I am lucky to have very good friends who are supporting my goal as a future filmmaker.

But then I remembered… It wouldn’t make any sense if there was only one. My whole idea had to be reworked, so everything fit like a puzzle with my new subject. And luckily, at 11pm last night, it came to me full-force! I had to write it down – it wasn’t anything I could afford to lose.

As you must know, my short must be a work of art. Not simply a little story with a cute end, with crap production design because I’m only limited to my own house. No. Fail. I’m very straightforward with my ideas – it MUST be this way, otherwise, everything falls apart. If there’s a broken connection, it doesn’t feel right. I guess it’s a good trait if you’re aiming to be a director. Anyway, at the university’s presentation, they specifically asked that the short represented you as a filmmaker and an artist. They want to see if you can project your creativity in film, and that’s the kind of trait that’s going to let me in.

My idea circles around the way we feel when we’re about to create something. Whenever I want to start a piece, I always worry about the outcome – what others will think about it, or if they’ll think it’s too much for the outside world to accept. I’m sure every creative person has felt that way before. My film will be about that specific uncertainty.

I see it very clearly. Actually, my sister was listening to this song the other day, and I thought it was perfect for the video. It’s got this eerie circus-freak feel to it, which is exactly the kind of mood that I want to set.

It will start with a girl living in this very conservative atmosphere. She starts to see her “creative side”, the one she fears to let out. She feels she’ll be judged by those around her if she listens to it. But she gives in to curiosity and starts to follow that side of her. It leads her out of her bubble, and in the end, it stops before an empty canvas, and a paintbrush is waiting for her.

That’s the basic outline of it, anyway.  What do you think? (: I haven’t told many people about it yet – mostly because I’m stuck here with this yucky cold. My teacher yesterday gave me the recommendation letter I’ve been asking for. I was really surprised!! I honestly thought for sure he’d forgotten or stopped caring. I was really afraid about it. But he wrote some good stuff for me and I really hope it’s going to get me surer access to the Mel Hoppenheim School of Cinema.


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Thinking on New Year’s resolution already!!

I’ve made up a list of things I want to do for 2010, already. My goals. 2010 will be a year of my determination as an artist. I’m a creator, I have been since I was 10. No more teenage angst. No more teenage problems in general. I’m an adult now, and I’m in control!

1. find a mate. another half. not in a bar.

2. develop creativity. at least one drawing every two days.

3. start writing mothpowder and stick to it.

4. get in shape, lose weight. look good = feel good.

5. get rid of graphic T’s. You’re not a kid anymore. You are what you wear, not what you can only afford to wear.

6. finish what you start. No more half-assed bullshit.

7. read, watch, and learn from it.

8. meats larger than a chicken & mayo out of the diet. gross.

9. work your ass off into university. and when you do, work even harder.

10. computer hours reduced to two, max. get shit done.

11. get bursaries & scholarships. maybe a job, too.

Let’s see how this goes.

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Happy Holidays!

My first week out of school for the holidays has finally begun! And with a blast, indeed! Last Friday, my big sister came back from Montreal where she studies and we (with my mom) went to the movies for James Cameron’s Avatar. This was my first 3D experience and I was absolutely blown away! My mother, panicking beside us, had been worried that she’d get sick but she was so into it. Just the entire film in 3D was like… wow!! My sister and I both reached out towards the screen several times, trying to catch these little creatures floating in the sky. We brushed passed trees and the subtitles seem to hover off the screen. But I didn’t forget to pay attention to the movie, too! Haha. It was very Pocahontas and Titanic mixed together. A good combination. The director knew that people will bash his new film, so I appreciated that he was cautious and stayed in the range of his comfort zone, while keeping the rest of things original and beautiful. Forget what the critics say. Critics are dumb, anyway. Liking a movie is an opinion, not a fucking profession.

Saturday, my big sister had two of her university friends, both attending Concordia in the Art Education program (like her), come over.  They were awesome! We got along super well. We went to the museum of civilization, where they displayed beautiful artifacts, costumes, and artwork by the first nations people of canada back in the colonial era. Apparently the display had been there forever, but I never got to see it, no matter how many times I went. I learned quite a lot, since my sister and her friends are art students and they had a unit on first nations art.

Before we left, we went to see an IMAX there on Ibn Battuta, “a young scholar who left Tangier in 1325 to embark on a long, perilous journey that would take him from Morocco to Mecca nearly 5,000 km to the east.” The scenery was, as usual, completely gorgeous, and I learned a lot on the Muslim culture. I came to the conclusion that Christians were lazy and tried too hard. No offense. o-o

We came home to find my little sister had been doing drugs and acting like a dumbshit again. I will not go into details about this because it is really getting on my nerves and I hope that her encounter with the police opened her eyes. I just want my little sister back =/. Nough said.

Sunday, one of my big sister’s friend Ida accompanied us to Kingston, a two hour drive from my house. It’s a historical city, and we wanted to go see some historical houses, the Fort Henry, the Steam and Marine museums, as well. Unfortunately, when we got there, everything was closed for the winter. So we decided to have tea and I drank a huge cup of Irish Cream tea. It was delicious! I took some videos from the camera my teacher lent me for my short film necessary for my university application. I needed to practice with it, so we had fun there anyway! We made Inukshuks at the beach and walked around on the main streets.

This weekend, I also sent my application to Concordia University! Its film program is renown across the world, and the creative focus is something that I have been longing for months. The process took me two hours, and now I need to get started on the transcripts and portfolio to send it before March. I looked through the available classes and I pretty much drooled. I applied for a Major in Film Production and a Minor in Film Studies! Here’s some examples of my future classes. That is, if they like my portfolio. (and they should, according to my big sister and her Concordia friends (: )

Film Studies:

FMST 212* Film Aesthetics (6 credits)
A study of the aesthetics of film. Topics include film criticism, theories about the fundamental elements of film, and comparisons between films which do not depend on their date of production. Problems of film description, interpretation, and evaluation are discussed. Weekly screenings.

FMST 217 First Nations and Film (3 credits)
A survey of representation by and of aboriginal peoples in film and video. The emphasis is on the Americas, but important works from other continents are included. Films and videotapes, both mainstream and experimental, are discussed in the context of contemporary aesthetic issues, socio-cultural history, and post-colonial theory. Weekly screenings.

FMST 323 History of Animated Film (3 credits)
Prerequisite: Enrolment in the Major in Film Animation or the Minor in Film Animation, or second-year standing*. A survey of animated film from the first decade of the twentieth century to the present. Styles of animation ranging from abstract experimental film of the 1920s, to the Disney Studio, to computer animation are viewed and discussed. The contribution of the National Film Board of Canada and particularly that of Norman McLaren is considered. Weekly screenings.

FMST 391 Sexual Representation in Cinema (3 credits)
Prerequisite: Second-year standing* or six credits in the Minor in Interdisciplinary Studies in Sexuality. An investigation of cinematic sexual imagery as art, communication and socio-cultural phenomenon. Weekly screenings of films and videos, representing fiction, experimental and documentary genres, as well as different historical and cultural contexts, are related to theoretical readings, both classical and contemporary, by authors from Freud and the Surrealists to Foucault and recent feminist and queer theorists. Contemporary issues such as pornography, autobiography, and the HIV epidemic are confronted. Learning is interdisciplinary, interactive and group-oriented.
*66 or fewer credits remaining in degree program.

and there’s about 50 more, including internship on a real set!!

Film Production:

FMPR 336 Introduction to Film Producing (3 credits)
Prerequisite: FMPR 231 or written permission of the School of Cinema. A comprehensive course introducing students to the art of production methods. This implies exposure to the creative and technical aspects of the total production experience, and includes both independent and industry strategies and methods for fundraising, preparation of the project, production budgeting and scheduling techniques, legal and monetary involvement, and post-production, distribution, and exhibition strategies.

FMPR 343 Production Design (3 credits)
Prerequisite: Enrolment in the Major in Film Production, FMPR 231, FMST 211 and 212; or written permission of the School of Cinema. A practical examination of the visual aspects of film production. Topics in production design considered may include texture and visual styles, the collaborative process, project management, and the nature of constraints which apply to student and independent productions.

FMPR 350 Ways of Seeing in Film Production (3 credits)
Prerequisite: Enrolment in a Film Production program; FMPR 231; FMST 211, 212. A forum of ideas intended to increase the student’s awareness of cinema as a visual medium. Aspects of our visual culture are presented and discussed: work by painters, photographers, sculptors, architects, and artists working with digital media. A relationship is made between the work of such artists and the work of the filmmaker. Students work on individual visual projects.

FMPR 341 Writing for Film I (3 credits)
Prerequisite: Enrolment in the Major in Film Production; FMPR 231; FMST 211, 212. An introduction to writing for film, with special emphasis on the relation of the script to filmmaking. Students are expected to submit work of their own for discussion, analysis, and possible production in film-making courses. Students will also use special computer software to write scripts.

I mean, wow! And there’s classes on women & cinema, irish cinema, israeli cinema, gay cinema…. the only sad part is that I’m going to have to make choices! I want them all !! ; _ ;

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Being a Busy Bee

Last Friday, my friends and I went to a charity event organized by someone who used to work at our school. It’s a semi-formal party that only our school is allowed to attend. It was located in a simple-enough hall, with chandeliers, a little buffet, and round chairs placed here and there. The food tasted like icicles, but otherwise, we had a lot of fun. This party also made me realise how much I need to lose weight. o-o

I’m third from the left. The one thing that pissed got me down that night…. it was that time of the month.

I came back home at around 12:30am, got ready, went to bed at 1am. The next morning, I had to wake up at 6:20am – i know, brutal – to go for a two-hour car drive to Montreal City, where I went to visit universities.

Now, as you all know, I am planning on pursuing my studies in film production – a very competitive program. At the first university I visited, Concordia, I was incredibly stunned by their program. It is one of the most prestigious in Canada, and it shows. Some members of the program were nominated for Oscars. For Canadians to go that far – that’s pretty legit to me!

I walked into the auditorium, while my cousin went to the presentation for the photography program (which apparently sucked). The production teacher first starts his speech.

“Now, for those interested in making Fight Club action movies (I raised my head with interest), or slasher horror movies and shit like that – get the fuck out. We don’t want you.” Four, five people left. I was considering, but was too curious and decided to listen to the whole thing. This guy was intriguing. He continued explaining how  Concordia focuses on the creative development and how its students in the film production/animation program can input their vision & personality on screen. Which is exactly what I have been looking for. The other schools? If you’ve held a camera before, you’re good to go. But Concordia is more than that. It encourages the creative process, weird/wacko visions that don’t seem to make sense at all. It realized, I think, how 90% of films today are based on something, and note exactly a produce of the film creator’s mind.They want originality. They want the people to remember that the film industry is, in itself, a form of art, and not only advertisement! I was completely blown away and now, I am determined to show them that, though I’m not the best with equipment, my mind is craving to explode onto the screen.  The downer here is I can’t use any projects I’ve created in highschool because all of those was teamwork. For my portfolio, they demand a 3 minute film demonstrating my vision. I’m not panicking about this – I’ve got plenty of ideas for it!  My media teacher is encouraging me to work extra hard on this and he is lending me equipment so I can have something before the profiles deadline. Although, I think that, because I’m not good with machines, I won’t survive very long. But my creativity is stronger than my technical knowledge – which is the criteria pursued by this University.

Now, the second university – I won’t even talk about it. It spat in my face, totally not interested. Not something I want to attend. >>

I know I haven’t posted a Tuesday Treasures.

No time. DX

On that weekend’s Sunday, my big sister took me shopping in Montreal – which is almost the equivalent of New York City. Everything there is bigger, better, and more expensive! I bought this adorable little wallet for 23$, and three pairs of nylons I am planning on starting my fashion change with. XD

DSC_0001Excuse the blur and admire the adorableness that is owls! I’m having an owl-fetish these days. So cute. Apparently, they’re beginning a trend, too! D’Awh C:

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Operation Fright Night part 3.

The night was fairly uneventful. People still believed my hair was a wig and just to make sure, they would yank down hard just enough to piss me off. I thought I’d caught a bunch of rats smoking weed inside the haunted house, but to my surprise, I was wrong and let them go in peace. I was also asked a lot of questions tonight. I tried to answer in character the best I could. Nothing horribly wrong happened, and I didn’t do anything stupid except for that one time when I was about to leave with the costume still on my back. Luckily, I went back inside the prop room without no one ever noticing.

Today, we went to the University of Ottawa for an open house they were having. There was a bazillion kids there, and absolutely no organization. It was hell. I got lost so many times, ended up sticking with my friends instead of risking going to the class I registered for. It was free, so not a big scar on my wallet. Or, rather, mom’s.

For lunch, they gave away 6$ off any campus restaurant coupons, earning myself a free Caramel Apple Spice from Starbucks! Now, I’m not a fan of the restaurant. Or coffee for that matter. I hate coffee. But I’m one of those quirky cider fans. I like the natural-tasting sweetness and the scent, especially. It was delicious, and went fabulously with my Subway – for which I also got myself a savings card. At last! I always go to Subway. It’s delicious, non-greasy, and well priced! My order is always foot-long grilled chicken with lots of olives. Letus, of course, and tomatoes. I try to limit my consummation of meats to chicken. I’m, per say, a “getting there” vegetarian. Although I have a hard time refusing anything my wonderful mum cooks, when I’m out, it’s never something else than chicken if there’s meat.


It was about 1pm when I finally met up with my usual “gang”. It was such a relief to see them! I just had to tell them about my potential prom dress, which is adorable and supe pretty! My mom took all the measures to get it online, from a website called unique-vintage.com. Yes. It’s a vintage dress!! I think I’m going to get it for real because my mom loved it as much as I did and it was cheaper than she thought it would be. Which is weird on her part, since she never trusts the net when it comes to buying. She seemed to like this one though! So exciting!

After walking to the downtown part of the city, we stopped for the others for their lunch at McDonalds. I was craving fries, so I bought a large one. Turns out there was too much in there so I gave it to my friend, Anastasia. I wanted to give it to a hobo, but she was closest. When we came across a hobo asking for money for coffee, I snapped it right off her hands and offered them to him. He was so happy! It really warmed my heart. It’s a wonderful feeling, doing a good deed that way. Usually, they reject food, for drug money. It’s ridiculous. But this one looked really excited to start eating those fries!

I bussed to the bus station closest to my house (which is a 15 minute drive away) at the end of the day. Went home. Finished an overdue essay. Didn’t eat. And went to work.

And to top the cake, I got my paycheck! Yay! See what happens when you make someone you don’t know happy? You get a direct handshake from karma itself. Now, I’m not religious or anything, but karma is something I definitely believe in.

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